Signs of the Apocalypse

I know I'm late late about this, especially since I was the one to coin the name "Shanahan to the Chiefs", but I have to write about "Mort Goes to Camp." He basically drives around in John Madden's used cruiser, only he has a map on the back for signify where he went, even though we can watch it. SportsCenter even gave us a tour of the bus because they obviously know that's the reason we watch.


Now I know ESPN has their top guys tour training camps, but the fact that they have to turn Chris Mortensen into the story is infuriating. You don't see the NFL Network setting up a bus for Scott Hansen to travel around during training camp. This is just another example of ESPN trying to be the news instead of reporting on it. Add the fact it's Chris Mortensen, who's stories are correct half the time (they should be right higher than 95%), and this a complete waste and I hope you change the channel when Shanahan to the Chiefs appears on screen.

Shanahan to the Chiefs says 4 Games for Vick

Since I christened "Shanahan to the Chiefs", finally Chris Mortensen has a story that can be another to his list of misses. Apparently, he and Sal Paolantonio are reporting that NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell might suspend Michael Vick for four games after serving two years in prison for dogfighting. He would get to take part in training camp if any team signs him. Now, just like Brett Favre, I'm against reporting on Michael Vick. However, now that Chris Mortensen is reporting this as a possibility, I'm hoping Vick either gets no games or 8+ games suspended, though if Vick isn't signed in the NFL and plays in the UFL, this report really doesn't mean anything.

Introducing Shanahan to the Chiefs

Bruce Garrioch is a columnist in Canada for the Ottawa Sun who once reported that Evgeni Malkin was going to be traded to the L.A. Kings. As it turned out, it couldn't be more than false as Malkin signed a contract extension with the Penguins and now they are Cup champions. However, this has forever earned the nickname Bruce "Malkin to the Kings" Garrioch and anytime there is any rumors he breaks, eyes begin to roll and it's never believed (almost always the right idea). Puck Daddy no longer uses Garrioch's name whenever one of his stories make the headlines post, just Malkin to the Kings.


The best American equivalent is Chris Mortensen. Awful Announcing chronicled to accurate detail last August when Mort jumped the gun on the Cards naming Kurt Warner as starter (he was eventually right) all the missed reports Mortensen had. The best example was when Mort reported that the Chiefs fired Herm Edwards and replaced him with Mike Shanahan, because Adam Schefter called him out as being completely wrong. Now it's time to give Mort the same nickname that Garrioch was bestowed, so I hereby name him Chris "Shanahan to the Chiefs" Mortensen. I hope this catches on in the blogosphere.